


After You've Gone

by queenoffruits



Category: Maria-sama ga Miteru
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 14:40:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2471909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenoffruits/pseuds/queenoffruits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their whole lives, Rei and Yoshino have always been together... but after Rei leaves for college, what will become of ... them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Star of Heaven (rubylily)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubylily/gifts).



Maybe this was all a mistake.

“Hasekura? … Hasekura???”

No... it wasn't a mistake... I did the right thing for myself, but even so...

“Hasekura Rei.”

Knowing what I do now, I don't know... if I would have continued down the path I have—A pair of firm but slow jabs knocked into my sides. ”Rei!” My neighbor startled me from my ruminations. I jolted up, giving her a quick look. A glance of her eyes lead me to the sternly crooked eyebrows of our instructor. ”Page 156, third paragraph...” She whispered sharply.

I started to read aloud from the textbook, and our teacher, with a shake of her head, lifted her gaze from upon me. A note from my neighbor was slipped onto my desk. 'Are you OK?' it read. When the teacher called upon another student to read, I passed the note back with a response...

'I'm fine. Just a little tired. I didn't sleep well last night.'

… It wasn't a lie. I didn't sleep well, and I wasn't ill, and there was no crisis going on in my life... things would be would alright, but right now, in some ways I was less than fine. Troubled... Guilty...

… I have some fears, some heart aches, and regrets.

My name is Hasekura Rei. I'm at college, away from home, studying kinesiology, and nearing my second year of doing so.

 

The seeds of my heart ache were planted more than a year ago. It was a decision entirely of my own volition, one that I made for myself, but knew it would be hard on me, and on someone very dear to me: Shimazu Yoshino. It was a responsible decision borne of a strong mind and a weak heart... my decision to go to college away from home. All our lives, despite our occasional fights and cold wars, Yoshino and I were inseparable. We knew each other better than anyone else. We knew perhaps every merit and fault the other had. She's been so precious to me that she had a hold over me. I always wanted what was best for her. My heart was always her captive. I knew in ways it wasn't good for me.

When I was thinking about my future, what I wanted to do with my life, the path I wanted to take was one that I couldn't take by her side. I wanted to study the body, to take on the family dojo, and I knew that the correct decision was to go to the best school for this that I could... even if it was far away from home. I also knew, though, that Yoshino, wouldn't like it, and that if I told her, she'd be both angry and sad, and my resolve would buckle beneath me, leaving me falling back down into her arms. So I never told her until it was too late to turn back.

Even the night before I left, I always thought our bond was one that couldn't be broken.

 

That night, the moon was waning, almost empty. I was in a familiar place that I knew I wouldn't see again for some time: Yoshino's room. A heavy silence had been between us for some time now as she sat on her bed, staring at the blankness of the ceiling, I in a chair looking out the window. I felt as if our last night together was being spoiled by our mutual knowledge that tomorrow afternoon I would be gone.

“I'll miss you.” I said, looking over at her from our distance in the room.

“... I don't want to hear that from someone who's leaving.” She responded in almost a monotone. When she first found out she was so angry. I knew she would be... but now my leaving was just an unpleasant topic to her. In the months between when she found out and the date of my departure, did our best to live as if I wasn't leaving at all. In the end, we were never really ready to talk about it.

“Yoshino...” I stood up, walking slowly over toward her, and sat down beside her as she laid on the bed. She turned her head away, but otherwise didn't move away. As I started to pet her head, she shifted a little closer against me. “I may be leaving, but this is my home. I'm going to come back. You know this is something I need to do for myself.”

“What about what you need to do for us.” In her melancholic blasé, it hardly sounded like a question, even. It had no rising intonation.

“... Please, won't you just wait for me?”

“... Prove me you'll come back.” Yoshino said, her voice starting to tremble. “Prove to me you won't find some new life there with new people and never come back.”

“Tell me how. I'll do whatever I can to prove it.”

“... I don't know... promise me, at least.”

“I promise, Yoshino, that I'll come back for you.”

Not just her voice but her whole body trembled faintly for a few moments before she rolled over and put her arms around my waist, head upon my lap, and looked up at me. With her weight on my lap, she tugged gently down at my blouse, as if trying to anchor me, ground me, and keep me there forever. “... I know you have to leave in the morning... but would you, stay here tonight?”

I could feel my eyes begin to water. I was glad she still wanted me there; a part of me was beginning to wonder and fear she didn't any longer. “Of course... I'd love to.”

Even dyed in melancholic empty tones of the clock clicking down, that night in Yoshino's room was a beautiful and precious memory I'll never forget... I thought that everything would be alright. I had no idea that after that day, things would slowly change.


	2. After You've Gone

All around me, students were crowded up against one another. We stood on ours tip toes, necks craning, trying to see over the other heads in front of us. Every one of us had our eyes fixed on the same thing: the massive bulletin board displaying our college entrance exam scores. The nervous, hopeful energy was abuzz as the people around me spoke to their peers around them, some with high joyful cries, others with sulking sighs and heavy shoulders. I, however, stayed silent as my eyes scoured the board for my score, my name... Shi... Shi... there I am! 'Shimazu Yoshino.'

Alright!! Squeezing my hands up past the shoulders of the crowd, I threw my arms up in the air, striking a victorious pose! “Did it!!” I yelled... to no one, or everyone. Yes, my score wasn't truly remarkable, but it was good enough that I was sure I could go to _that_ college... Her college...

… Rei's college...

That is, _if_ that's what I really wanted..

 

The maidens who flock to the Virgin Mary's garden pass through the tall gates today yet again, their smiles innocent, angelic. Their pure hearts and bodies are wrapped in deep-colored uniforms. As to not disturb the pleats of their skirts or set their white sailor collars aflutter, walking slowly is preferred here.

Lillians Private Girls' Academy ... a garden of maidens.

 

It's not fair. It's so not fair...

April showers pitter pattered outside and on my window. What a way to waste a spring Sunday. I feel stranded... the book I was reading hit slump. It's slow. I don't care. Ugh.

Lazing here on my bed, there's so many little things here to remind me of her... of, Rei. Pictures, gifts, I can even see the dark window next door, the window to her room, unlit every night.

Honestly, when she left? It hit me like a truck. I think I went through every stage of loss. There were times that I took my pictures of us down, just to try and think about her less. Even now I put the one on my desk frame down into the table sometimes. 

It's been almost a year since Rei went to college. At first, I could feel her absence everywhere. No one being there outside the gate of her house in the morning, no one to walk to school with, no one to come home with...

In the first month or two my mind thought about her any time it was idle. At that time she sent letters _every week..._ I refused to read them for three weeks before she called and asked what was wrong. … that was the first time I'd spoken to her since she left. She was worried something was wrong! Like, really wrong, she seriously was afraid I was in a hospital again or something, as if that was the only explanation.

After that I couldn't shut her out any more... maybe it felt wrong, or maybe talking to her actually helped. Either way, I just couldn't keep up giving her the cold shoulder after that. She sent letters, (so old fashioned!) and I call her once, occasionally twice a week... It's hard. I guess we're on something of a break. We've always had a strange relationship, but it was always close. Now I feel like we're constantly trying to stay close, but not too close to each other. It's the weirdest the couple of times she's come to visit, when on break.

Winter was especially hard... I bought a scarf for myself the first time. If Rei were here she'd have asked me why I wasn't wearing the things she knitted, but... well, she's not here, and I didn't want to spend the entire cold of winter feeling like she was wrapped around my throat...

So yeah, there I was, just waxing melancholic on my bed, lying on my stomach, hugging the pillow beneath me. Kicking my legs back and forth, I stared out the window. I don't know what I would have done this year without my friends, especially Yumi and... my petite soeur, Arima Nana. Yep, Arima Nana, the middle schooler who I so embarrassingly told Eriko would be my petite soeur. I did end up putting the rosary on her after all.

 

The Rose Mansion, where the Yamayurikai meets is such a familiar place. So many memories, but...you know, after three years of of it? I am not going to miss being on the Yamayurikai.

Mm, well, that's not entirely true. As a social group it's really been great. I've met a lot of incredible people here, made memories I'll never forget. Yumi, Eriko, Shimako, Sei, everyone really... as a private clubhouse? It's been the best (if a little stiflingly stiff and formal), but the work of it has often been kind of stiff and boring. I think I'm a little burned out on it. Right now, we were having a lunch period meeting, and I was wishing I packed a little more for lunch today, but...

“... shino? Yoshino?”

Huh? – ow! I felt a jab at my side. I shot a a sharp look at the girl in the seat next to me. Nana Arima, my petite soeur, Rosa Foetida en Bouton... she elbowed me!! Rei would have never elbowed me... she was gentler with me. But. Though I don't appreciate getting elbowed, I do appreciate that Nana doesn't treat me like a glass figurine.

The others ignored this little display, except for Yumi. I'm not sure she noticed.

“Do you think it's a good idea Yoshino?” Shimako asked, her voice smooth and calm.

Uhhhh. I cast a fleeting glance over at Nana, meeting her eyes for a moment. She gave a faint and shallow nod. Quickly I put on my 'good Yoshino,' face, smiling sweetly and giving a more resolute yet soft nod of my head. “Yes, it's a splendid idea.”

I think, no, maybe almost (faintly) fear that the others realize I'm relying on Nana. I do it often enough, though not really to this level. I don't space out this often! But Nana is practical, a quick thinker. She's reliable. I know... I've relied on her a lot this year.

Maybe it's just that they know Nana will be the next Rosa Foetida, so she might as well be calling shots already, but anyway, the moment passes. Lucky--

“Well, thank you, Nana. I'm glad someone from the Foetida family was listening.” Damn it, Touko. You just _had_ to ruin it, didn't you.

“Touko.... please.” Yumi smiled weakly, eyebrows twisted up. She was clearly a little embarrassed by Touko's judgmental outburst against _me, one of Yumi's best friends._ …

“... hmn. Oh, no, I'm suppose you and Nana just came to the same conclusion. As soeurs, you must be on a similar wavelength.” Typical Touko sass. But, yes … typical. We moved on quickly enough, because we were all that used to it.

Still, that girl's sass never failed to annoy me a little. Sometimes I wonder what Yumi sees in her. Not gonna lie, I have pretended I was hitting her while swinging a sword in kendo club. I have kendo club after school today. Maybe I'll smack her good in my imagination again.

 

“Chestooo!!” Pow! Ow! I jumped back when I felt that bamboo sword impact the armor on my chest.. but that didn't change the result. I restrained the urge to shove my hand up into that breastplate and rub my sternum..

“Match, set! The winner is: Nana Arima!” Called out the score keeper.

“Wow, you never hold back, do you, Arima? Not even on your grande soeur.” Our captain commented, then put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you alright, Shimazu?”

“... yes, I'm fine.” I mean, didn't like losing, but I wasn't that hurt, and I was used to not being the greatest on the kendo team.

“Never hold back?” Nana asked. “Well, no, you're right. I don't.” She said a little plainly. “It's not that I'm going easy on her...

“You're just being a dutiful team member who won't take it easy on anyone, hmm?” Our captain patted Nana on the shoulder while waving the next challenger up...

Nana shook her head, continuing on in a matter of fact tone as she readied her sword for the next opponent.. “No... It's just that practice makes permanent.” She readied her sword, waiting for the next opponent.

“You mean, perfect?”

“I mean what I said.” Practice makes permanent. I knew just what she meant by that. However you did it, right or wrong, would be how you'd do it in the future...

As soon as Rei left, the next year I finally fell into kendo club. I never really got that good at it, but it's been really fun. I felt a lot better in the club without Rei wasn't worrying about me all the time. Without my grande soeur as captain, I could really find my place here, even if it was a struggle...

 

 

That night, I got a call. I figured it was from Rei, and the caller ID confirmed it. She had to be calling because I hadn't called in a week. … I knew this would happen. I picked up before anyone else did, just to see to it no one else came to tell me to answer the phone...

“Hello.” Rei didn't even introduce herself. We'd all recognize her voice anyway. She was calm, but I knew she had to be a little worried over nothing.

“Good evening,” I said passively, playing my good Yoshino side for now, sitting at my desk browing the net, looking at pictures of cat.

“How are you, Yoshino? Are you busy?”

“Oh, no, not especially. And how are you?”

“I'm doing alright.”

Alright _now,_ anyway, now that she heard my voice~ And no, I am not full of myself, thank you. I know Rei better than anyone. … And so we settled into old habits, talking with one another. I told her about the on-goings at Lillians, how the kendo team was doing, the last time Sei came to visit; she told me about how classes were going, the cake she made for a recent pot luck, how she had some gifts to bring me when she would visit my graduation... it was a peaceful and calm conversation, but, I tensed up a little when Rei changed the subject to one I knew she might.

“How were your entrance exam scores?”

I rattled off the numbers for her.

“I see.” She sounded a little relieved when she heard those numbers. It was her school, so she knew what it took to get in. “Then, will I see you here in Spring?”

“...”

“Yoshino?”

“I'm not telling you.” I told her bluntly.

“.... You're not telling me? You're sure you don't mean 'you haven't decided?'”

Augh. It's true. I hadn't decided, but it was more than that... “No. I said, 'I'm not telling you.'”

“So you have decided.”

“Don't put words in my mouth.”

“... Fine... Why aren't you telling me?”

“Because you didn't tell me, Rei.”

Rei gave a hissy sigh. “... Before this time last year, I _had_ told you.”

“So what?” I snapped. “I was never _involved_ in the decision. You made that choice by yourself, for yourself, and I never entered into it at all!” … The phone was quiet, and as Rei retreated into that silence, I just cut loose without thinking. “You have a life without me now, and that goes both ways! I don't have to leave if I don't want to.”

“Of course you don't, Yoshino...is that how you feel? Do you think I'm asking you to do that? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--”

“You are sorry! You were the one who left and you still can't get over it!”

“You're so hard to deal with sometimes...” Rei's voice suddenly seemed so much more distant. “... I did leave to study something at a better school for it, but I also left because I felt like I let my life revolve around you too much. ”

“W-Well...!” It became a struggle of words, and in the heat of it, I just reached to find a come back. “Well you've distanced yourself from me! Congratulations! Good job! Mission accomplished!!”

I hung up on her before she could even speak. For a few fleeting moments, it was invigorating. I nearly wind mill slammed the cordless phone into the charger... but as it hung there in utter silence, my exhilaration quickly spoiled inside me. I felt so ashamed I couldn't even pick up the phone to call her back and apologize.


	3. There, Waiting

The school festival was in full swing. The college campus was full with the busy, happy hum of festivities, and although I had been looking forward to it before, the liveliness of it all only served to contrast with a deep rooted sense of ennui, and dissatisfaction. It had been over a week since my fight with Yoshino. I hadn't contacted her since then, and though it made me sad to be in something of a cold war with her once more, a part of me wondered if perhaps it was for the best.

I tried to enjoy the school fair, in the end of the day, all it did was leave me tired, and I returned back to my dorm room in the early evening. I just wanted to be alone.. or so I thought.

When I opened my door, she was there, her face familiar as ever despite my having not seen her for some while... Shimazu Yoshino.

“Yoshino? What are you doing here???”

“Well hello to you too.” She gave a little grin.

“How'd you get into my dorm room?”

“The dorm mother let me in.”

“Into my room?”

“I had proof we knew each other.” She answered, flashing a few photographs of us together.

I see. “And... what are you doing here?”

“Touring the campus.”

Honestly, I was bewildered. At the time, I didn't know what to think... I didn't know what she as doing here, and yet... more than anything else, I was happy to see her.

“Did you really want to surprise me this badly? You're such a stubborn troublemaker sometimes.” I said, but there wasn't any harshness in my voice. My voice came out soft... not _quiet_ , just … soft. Meeting Yoshino's eyes, seeing her there in front of me, I could feel my eyes start to water..

“I, admit, I kind of just wanted to see the look on your face. But... I didn't think it'd make you cry.” She held my arms wide, and without hesitating, I went to her, and put my arms around her.

“You should have told me.”

“There's a lot I should have told you, but I didn't. Um... I did write it down, though. There's a letter, in my purse. You should read it.”

“Then I will.”

Not wanting to let go, I read the letter while looking over Yoshino's shoulder, pages behind her back. The letters were light, faint, as if even in writing they had trouble coming out. It said so much...

… how she was sorry about the fight we had... 

… how she never told me just how much she missed me...

… how it was hard for her to even consider coming to my college because she didn't want to feel as if she was crawling back to someone who left her behind... and how her friends eventually told her that she'd get over it, and she shouldn't do something she'll regret.

… and, finally, how she was going to join me here at college, in the dorms.

For a moment, I was speechless. I was joyful to think she could be part of my everyday life once more. Yes, I did try to distance myself from her a little, but … I was also at times so frightened I'd gotten further from her than I ever wanted to be.

… This was a relief... and yet, one question was in the back of my mind. “Are you sure about this, Yoshino? I'm happy, but... don't want to think you're choosing your college just over me...”

“Rei, it's not as if you chose a bad school. Don't worry about it. I've already made up my mind.” And then, as if to leave that matter to not one more word of discussion, she quickly went on to ask me, “Can I stay here tonight?”

Well, it was against the rules, but I didn't see the harm. “Please, do... do you want to see more of the campus?”

“ _Yes..._ I looked around a few hours, but I came back super early to surprise you and wanted to get back out there. Let's do the festival.”

… and so, side by side, we joined in the hum of the campus. Everywhere, I shared with her something of my experience here... and we talked about what we might do or where we might go, dreaming about a future more like our past, making little plans...

“Mm, I have a lot of stuff back home I''ll need to pack. … You'll help me move in, right?”

“Of course... I'll be waiting.”


End file.
